Sexual scripts – saving your sex life!

Sometimes sexual scripts (e.g. kissing > foreplay > intercourse) or the way you’re getting sexual with your partner can get so boring, strenuous, full of anxiety and sometimes being blocked by our emotional barriers and baggage.

According to Lisa Thomas, LMFT and Clinical Sex therapist, sexual scripts needs to be updated in relationships over time to keep the physical relationship vibrant. Additionally, having a sexual script that you both are not enjoying can lead to sexual dysfunction, dissatisfaction and low frequency. On the other hand, sexual scripts that work for both of you can lead a couple’s intimate relationship to a new level of connection. Below she summarized some guideline to help couples rewrite a sexual script that is satisfying, pleasurable and relaxing:

  1. Kiss for 5 minutes. Kissing helps you get aroused, ready for sex, reduces anxiety as it relaxes as.
  2. Don’t skip foreplay and take turn giving and receiving. Foreplay is said to be the most intimate step of the sexual process. It represents the part of a sexual encounter where you take turns in pleasuring each other. You have to option for oral or manual stimulation. And if you’re still not comfortable doing it, try talking about it with your partner outside the bedroom as something you both want to explore.
  3. Give your partner feedback. Say something like “that feels good” or give gestures that you like what they are doing. Your partner would often want to know which of their touches feels good so they’ll know what they’re doing makes you feel pleasured. And if in any way, your partner can’t grasp on what you really like, show them.
  4. Look at each other while being sexual. During the process of being sexual together, open your eyes and look at your partner. Looking at each other leads you both to grow sexually by confronting each one’s sexual self, by taking risks together and taking ownership of each other by being sexually connected together.
  5. Try something new. This doesn’t mean that you have to do things that you don’t like. This can just be, when did the last time you tried initiating, experimenting new positions, new lighting.