Building Intimacy Through Physical And Verbal Exercises

Here are some exercises Jordan Gray, a relationship consultant and coach usually suggest to his client to do to further build their intimacy. (If you happen to be more of a verbal person, verbal exercises will follow after this content).

  1. Soul Gazing. Facing each other in a seated position, hold 3-5 minute eye-to-eye contact with your partner without talking. You are allowed to blink, though. If the silence is too long select a 4-5 minute song while doing the exercise
  2. Extend cuddle time. Change your bedtime routine. Being distracted with electronics or reading books, gives us the thought of having a more good nights sleep. However, cuddling and/or sex releases hormones that helps you get to sleep much easier.
  3. The 7 breath forehead connection. With your foreheads touching, breathe seven deep, slow breaths in sync with your partner. Just like how the eye-to-eye exercise this connects you to your partner more intimately and sexually.
  4. Uninterrupted listening. Set a timer and let your partner say whatever they need to say to vent to you. During the whole venting moment, the other party is not allowed to comment or react verbally. They can react through body language or facial expressions. When the timer stops, the role switches.
  5. The weekly CEO meeting. Talk about your unfinished business (e.g. unfinished argument, unmet expectations, unheard desires) the whole course of a busy week. Just setting a non-negotiable 30-minute time with you and your partner away from all distractions (phones, computers, kids, etc). You can start with simple questions as:
    • How are you feeling about us today?
    • Is there anything you feel incomplete about from this past week that you would like to talk about?
    • How can I make you feel more loved in the coming days?
  6. 5 things. You and your partner will both list and/or discuss “5 things” within a certain topic. This can be 5 things you love about your partner, 5 things you want to do with your partner, 5 things that you’re grateful for your life, etc.

And here goes the verbal exercise, questions you can ask to go deep in your relationship:

  1. “Is there anything I can do for you in this moment to help you more comfortable or feel loved?”
  2. “How can I better support you in your life?”
  3. “Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly had hurt you?”
  4. “When you come home from work, what can I do or say that will make you feel the most loved?”
  5. “Is there any kind of physical touch that I can engage in more that helps you feel loved?”
  6. “Do you think you will need more closeness or more alone time in the next couple of weeks?”
  7. “Is there any argument that we had this past week that you feel incomplete about?”
  8. “How do you feel about our sex life lately?”
  9. “What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you, if only a small amount?”
  10. “When do you find speaking difficult and how can I best support you through those moments?”