Adjust you sexual mindset…save your sex lives!

Adjust you sexual mindset...save your sex lives!

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin gives 5 ways to adjust your sexual mindset to get your sex life re-invigorated.

  1. Be more playful. Just be yourself in the bedroom. Feel free to laugh and joke around while you’re in bed with your partner. And welcome the silly side of sex.Remember, sex is supposed to be fun.
  2. Get better at initiation and rejection. Unskilled initiation and rejection are toxic to a relationship. It can cultivate resentment, anxiety, and contempt.Mismatched sexual will always be in a relationship but it’s about respectfully and carefully handling them.   Playing as a team instead of opposing each other. Below are some basic guidelines Vanessa Marin gave to her clients:
    1. Initiating
      1. State what you want clearly, but don’t act as if you’re demanding.
      2. Be honestly interested in how your partner feels.
      3. Ask if there’s a way you can help your partner feel more open to connecting.
      4. If you get turned down, feel your disappointment. Avoid sulking or being rude, but instead, allow yourself to feel dejected.
    2. Rejecting
      1. Really listen to your partner’s initiation, and give yourself a moment to consider it. Don’t reject your partner directly. See if you can find even a slight urge of wanting to connect and feel pleasure. Just don’t pressure yourself though, to do things that you don’t want to do.
      2. See if there’s something different you want instead.
      3. Give an honest reason for why you’re not interested. This is not because your partner deserves an explanation, but this will lessen the feeling of being dejected.
      4. Let your partner feel disappointed. It’s OK for you to say no, and it’s OK for him or her to feel let down.
  3. Make pleasure your focus always
    1. If you put your head on the pleasure you’ll find how easy it is to orgasm.
    2. Tell your partner what feels good, that way you’ll figure out what you really want.
    3. This reduces body consciousness.
    4. Focusing on pleasure helps you be more present in the moment and less distracted of other things that might get your head crowded, making sex less fun.
    5. Makes life enjoyable as you find pleasure in your ordinary daily routine.
  4. Value and protect your sex life. Giving value to your sex life ensures it to be healthy. Here are some of Vanessa’s suggestions:
    1. Tell yourself and your partner that sex is important.
    2. Ask for what you want honestly and openly, without feeling guilt.
    3. Talk about the state of your sexual relationship regularly.
    4. Actively invest in your sex life. Do things like schedule date nights, buy fancy lingerie and quality sex toys, or read sexual technique books together.
    5. Turn off your cell phones, laptops, even your television and make time for each other.
  5. Have a beginner’s mind. There are a number ways you can experiment with sex. Look at it as something new to learn and try. Because sex is something you will never be able to fully master!
2018-04-30T06:54:19+00:00August 24th, 2016|Intimacy and Connection, Relationship, Sex|0 Comments