In learning the secrets to a happy marriage, married couple John and Evie Kasper has been together for more than 75 years. And to commemorate their love, romance and happy marriage, their granddaughter (Danni Munro) interviewed them on how they’ve managed to reach such milestone. In the video, John and Evie shared their secrets:
Always kiss each other goodnight.
Profess your love for one another.
Never go to bed mad. “If it’s a focal point, sit alongside each other and talk it out. But then, it’s always kiss goodnight”, John says.
One of the important things for a happy marriage is to be nice to each other. Tell each other nice things.
Be good friends.
You got to make each other laugh too.
Here’s the full video of their Happy marriage interview:
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When we feel disconnected and unfulfilled in our relationships, we often believe that we need something more. Also sometimes at least something different from our partners for us to be happy.
However, being happy and getting what we truly desire has more to do with us being aware of ourselves. This includes understanding what intimacy really is.
In making relationship close and connected again, we think that to have the intimacy we desire. We have to spend a lot more time and have long deep talks with our partner. We tend to think back of the connection we have felt in the beginning and wish making relationship work again.
Why things are different in the beginning?
“In the beginning of my relationship I felt really close to my partner and we loved learning new things about each other. We spent a lot of time together, walking hand in hand and fully enjoying each other’s company. I felt a deep connection just by looking in his eyes and not saying anything. Everything felt good, easy. Then I couldn’t help but notice that something had changed. I didn’t feel as close to my partner as I’d felt in the beginning. Soon I realized what had caused this disconnect.” ~Heidi Paavilainen
What makes us feel disconnected?
In the beginning of our relationship, we use to live more in the moment, we want to know each other more, fully enjoy each other’s company and appreciate our partner more. However, as we get used to our partner, we start to live more in our heads.
Instead of experiencing the relationship, we experience our thoughts of the relationship and the other person.
We start to make assumptions about them and what they’re telling us, taking them a bit for granted.
What intimacy really is?
We fully experience intimacy when our head is in a natural state – peaceful. Intimacy is simply being in a clear and relaxed mind, fully enjoying each other’s company and having our focus on the other person, not thinking about anything else.
Because when your head in clear and relaxed you are able to take in life fully and appreciate the relationship more.
The Importance of Being Present
“When I feel a lack of closeness in my relationship, I know that it is time for me to quiet down. It is time to calm my mind and start to listen to my partner again.
Am I really hearing what he is saying, or am I listening to my own thoughts and judgments about him?”
Oftentimes, simply quieting the mind leads to a deeper level of connection not just to ourselves but also towards the relationship. It helps us to find again the closeness and intimacy that was often innocently lost as we are in a relationship for a longer time.
And at the same time as we listen and appreciate our partners, you are also helping them to quiet their minds and feel close to you again.
Learning to come back to the present moment again, brings out the best in each other. We might not be able to change that person, however, we can always learn to bring out the best in them and ourselves – experiencing more love and intimacy.
If you need some help in making relationship close and connected again, buy the How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy game to take things up a notch. How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy Edition is now available through our website, Amazon (US and AU) and Ebay (AU). You can view full details here or order your own copy of the game now and be one of the first to receive it. Let the fun and romance begin and take your intimate relationship to another level of closeness and connection.
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Being able to cry about emotional events and experiences together.
Being emotionally aware when feelings are hurt.
Knowing one another’s hopes and dreams.
Fear of intimacy. This includes the fear of getting hurt and being vulnerable. Also the fear of rejection, the fear of failure or disappointment. Finally the fear of abandonment and the fear of being engulfed and losing yourself in a relationship.
Failing to recognise the 7 core areas of intimacy. We have our beliefs of what intimacy is and are sometimes being blinded by it. However, we fail to recognise that we need more than one type of intimacy for a relationship be lasting, fulfilling and close.
Here are the 7 types of intimacy that Nicola Beer identified in the most successful marriages.
Self Intimacy: Having a good relationship with ourselves.
Emotional Intimacy: This is learning to be vulnerable and expressing from your heart your true desires and even pain.
Conflict Intimacy: This is all about respect and being respectful even in when you’re in an argument.
Affection Intimacy: Showing you care with words, physical touch in a non-sexual way and even through thoughtful gifts.
Sexual Intimacy: Opening up intimately, feeling safe, desired, and cherished.
Dream Intimacy: To have a shared goal and supporting each other to achieve each individual goals and dreams.
How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy Edition is now available through our website, Amazon (US and AU) and Ebay (AU). You can view full details here or order your own copy of the game now and be one of the first to receive it. Let the fun and romance begin finally and take your intimate relationship to another level. For the complete article, visit Nicola Beer’s Save My Marriage website and discover more about restoring intimacy in a struggling relationship.
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Sex therapist Vanessa Marin gives 5 ways to adjust your sexual mindset to get your sex life re-invigorated. Here’s a good read on adjusting your sexual attitude and thinking and sexual mindset to save your sex lives. Read sex therapist Vanessa Marin’s five pieces of advice.
1. Be more playful.
Just be yourself in the bedroom rather than the opposite. Feel free to laugh and joke around while you’re in bed with your partner. And finally, welcome the silly side of sex. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun.
2. Get better at initiation and rejection.
Unskilled initiation and rejection are toxic to a relationship. It can cultivate resentment, anxiety, and contempt.Mismatched sexual will always be in a relationship but it’s about respectfully and carefully handling them. Playing as a team instead, rather than of opposing each other.
To help you adjust your sexual mindset to save your sex lives, below are some basic guidelines Vanessa Marin gave to her clients:
State what you want clearly, but don’t act as if you’re demanding.
Be honestly interested in how your partner feels.
Ask if there’s a way you can help your partner feel more open to connecting.
If you get turned down, feel your disappointment but void sulking or being rude. But instead, allow yourself to feel dejected.
Really listen to your partner’s initiation, and give yourself a moment to consider it. Don’t reject your partner directly. See if you can find even a slight urge of wanting to connect and feel pleasure. Just don’t pressure yourself though, to do things that you don’t want to do.
See if there’s something different you want instead.
Give an honest reason for why you’re not interested. This is not because your partner deserves an explanation, but this will lessen the feeling of being dejected.
Let your partner feel disappointed. It’s OK for you to say no, and it’s OK for him or her to feel let down.
3. Focus to make pleasure always.
you put your head on the pleasure you’ll find how easy it is to orgasm.
Tell your partner what feels good, that way you’ll figure out what you really want.
This reduces body consciousness.
Focusing on pleasure helps you be more present in the moment and less distracted of other things that might get your head crowded, making sex less fun.
Makes life enjoyable as you find pleasure in your ordinary daily routine.
4. Value and protect your sex life. Giving value to your sex life ensures it to be healthy. Here are some of Vanessa’s suggestions:
Tell yourself and your partner that sex is important.
Ask for what you want honestly and openly, without feeling guilt.
Talk about the state of your sexual relationship regularly.
Actively invest in your sex life. Do things like schedule date nights, buy fancy lingerie and quality sex toys, or read sexual technique books together.
Turn off your cell phones, laptops, even your television and make time for each other.
5. Have a beginner’s mind. There are a number ways you can experiment with sex. Look at it as something new to learn and try. Because sex is something you will never be able to fully master!
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Daily touch. Human needs physical contact, it’s one of our most basic needs! A kiss or a hug will always create a difference as you both start your daily routines. And make sure to make it last at least 30 seconds.
Be curious. C.A.R.E. (Consideration, Attention to health and wellness, Responsibility. Taking responsibility for one’s action/attitude not blaming others. Expression of Love, Kindness, and Compassion) and ditch the obligatory “How was your day?”!
Side with your partner. Allow your partner to vent to you with his/her simple or little quarrels with someone else and practice siding with him/her even if he’s in the wrong. You can maybe have the comments on a different interaction.
Express Gratitude.Let your partner know how you appreciate him/her today even for just that simple breakfast shared together before going to work.
Sleep naked. It appears that removing the outer barrier (pajamas) is a quick secret to staying active under the covers. 😉
Relive a memory. Remember a funny story, a touching and sweet moment, or look through old photographs. Remember what brought you together when things feel disconnected.
Create new memories. Even just simple ones, they really don’t have to be that splendid, even just creating a new routine before bedtime that you both will enjoy will definitely do.
Listen to him or her. Assuming your partner is feeling or thinking can slowly damage one’s relationship. Practice listening to them and understand the stories behind things.
Share a laugh. As Dr. Gottman explains in The Relationship Cure, all that playfulness requires is a “willingness to turn toward another’s sense of silliness… and have a little bit of fun!” Humor can sure reduce tension and lighten the mood. Think of those things that make you and your partner laugh and share it.
Expressions of love and kindness. Preparing a simple breakfast or dinner, a sweet note stuck in your partner’s car/pocket or a message via a steam on your bathroom’s mirror. Little yet acts filled with love and kindness.
Flirt. Talk about sex with your partner, wear something you would wear on your honeymoon, think as if it’s your first date.
Turn off the electronics. Keep your mobile devices off and do #11.
If you need some help and some extra fun in connecting, buy the How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy game to take things up a notch. The game is now available through our website, Amazon (US and AU) and Ebay (AU). You can view the details here or order your own copy of the game now and be one of the first to receive it. Let the fun, connection and romance begin and build your intimate relationship to another level.
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Sexual scripts that will save your sex life are needed to be updated in relationships over time to keep the physical relationship vibrant. Sometimes sexual scripts (e.g. kissing > foreplay > intercourse) or the way you’re getting sexual with your partner can get so boring. This happens because of strenuous, full of anxiety and sometimes being blocked by our emotional barriers and baggage.
According to Lisa Thomas, LMFT and Clinical Sex therapist, sexual scripts needs to be updated in relationships over time to keep the physical relationship vibrant. Additionally, having a sexual script that you both are not enjoying can lead to sexual dysfunction, dissatisfaction and low frequency. On the other hand, sexual scripts that work for both of you can lead a couple’s intimate relationship to a new level of connection.
Below she summarized some guideline to help couples rewrite a sexual script that is satisfying, pleasurable and relaxing:
Kiss for 5 minutes. Kissing helps you get aroused, ready for sex, reduces anxiety as it relaxes as.
Don’t skip foreplay and take turn giving and receiving. Foreplay is the most intimate step of the sexual process. It represents the part of a sexual encounter where you take turns in pleasuring each other. Oral stimulation is one example of foreplay. Try talking about it with your partner outside the bedroom as something you both want to explore.
Say something like “that feels good” or like what they are doing by giving them gestures. Your partner would often want to know which of their touches feels good. Give a good feedback so they’ll know what they’re doing makes you feel pleasured. And if in any way, your partner can’t grasp on what you really like, finally show them.
Look at each other while being sexual. During the process of being sexual together, open your eyes and look at your partner. Looking at each other leads you both to grow sexually by confronting each one’s sexual self, by taking risks together and taking ownership of each other by being sexually connected together.
Try new things that you like. This can just be, when did the last time you tried initiating, experimenting new positions, new lighting.
If you need some help, buy the How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy game to take things up a notch. The game has question cards that will promote conversation, communication and intimacy. This is now available through our website, Amazon (US and AU) and Ebay (AU). You can view full details here or order your own copy of the game now and be one of the first to receive it. Let the fun and romance begin building your sexual and intimate relationship to another level.
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Do you want to explore and expand your sexuality? Explore and expand your intimate relationship in taking your sex life up a notch. Here are seven steps (to be done largely in this order) to help you whether you are in an early days but highly charged relationship, or want to expand what you are currently enjoying and move to an even higher level.
Check in with yourself. What are your sexual wants, needs and desires. You can create a list of categories such as:
things you are already familiar with and enjoy
what you think might be interested in trying out with a long time partner
know that don’t even entice you a little bit.
What are your sexual blocks?
These are things that makes you want to run away and hide, makes you blush, shut down in silence.
Ask your partner to write up their own list.
See the overlaps in your list. You can take turns speaking or if you’re brave enough, exchange lists. Remember the list is not a binding contract that you have to entirely do what is listed. It’s just a list of suggestions/ideas to work on your sexuality within the relationship and open communication.
Aim to be overly safe.
Discuss thoroughly before you start any exploratory sexual play. It might be checking in first when the times seems right, before getting involved, or creating safety words. Your sex life, your rules.
It can get overwhelming sometimes but start slowly and a step at a time. That way you will feel more comfortable and see each differences and changes with your emotional and physical intimacy.
Schedule sexual play dates.
You might think that this would be putting a schedule on your sex life and would possibly just make things boring. However, this is a dedicated sexual play date with the sole intention of exploring new territory with each other. Giving sex more time and space for it to be more fun.
Our favourite is of course all about increasing conversations and awareness around sex, and so we created the ‘How Game Are You – Couples Intimacy Edition’ game for couples and groups. We encourage understanding, connecting, laughing, learning and breaking down the emotional barriers we all collect around sex. Skills and awareness enhance intimacy and trust, and this leads to more fulfilling emotional and physical experiences.
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Sex Board Games Will Heat Up Your Game Night And Relationship
Why a sex board game? Well one of the most important factors of being in a relationship is having quality physical connection with your partner. Creating time in your day to match your partner or at the very least the occasional date night usually does the trick as long as you can connect properly in that moment and without distractions. Choosing the right topics then and delivery can be a challenge so we did all of that for you.
Playing board games has also been found out to be one of the best way to stimulate conversation, laughter and connection, and another way is sex if the intimacy is there first. Combine board games, connection and intimacy, and you have ‘sexy board games’ to hopefully entice open conversations, laughter, learning and deeper connection.
Sex board games can vary from suggestive ‘move here and take a piece of clothing off’, to ‘move here and perform xyz’. They’re often participatory or a challenging type. You need to understand the grounds of the game before you buy it to see if it will be right for the both of you.
Some games are very confrontational/ tacky and others tasteful, while a third type is now also emerging. The current two types of sex board games can be generally categorized as:
Discussion – This type of sex board game uses suggestive clues and action to provoke sexual situations. Couples answer questions get to build up their understanding of each other.
Action – On the other hand, this type of sexy board games are designed to increase the level of sexual arousal. Many provoke activities, challenges and more revealing acts which often involves sexual interaction between a couple.
Something major was lacking though. The best sex normally involves emotional and physical connection, with desire and some skill really helps. Sometime people don’t know what they don’t know and so many couples are matched personally and emotionally, but not sexually. It was time for a third category ‘Relating’, which is at the core of a ‘Relationship’.
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Welcome to How Game Are You – Couples Intimacy Editionwebsite, an adult board game for open and fun conversations about sex to reduce stigma and judgments. How Game Are You – Sex Edition brings joy, fun and encourages sexual expression/acceptance to variety of people across the globe.
The game also encourage sexual openness amongst people and re-ignite a sense of fun and passion between couples. Setting a difference, How Game Are You is a dinner party game best played for themed dinner parties. There’s nothing more inviting than food and some laughs with friends on the table.
Think of this as a real-life conversation starter. The game starts with a Pledge Card to set the scene for a truthful game. Player 1 selects a Level 1 (1 chilli) card with simple ice-breakers to get conversation going, and then you move to more open-ended general questions. The next level (2 chilli cards) is about relationships specifically, romance, gratitude and date nights. Level (3 chilli) is more about physical intimacy questions, but in a tasteful way.
You’ll learn a lot about yourself, your partner and your relationship. At the end the winner gets to choose a task for the loser, to be performed over the next 14 days or they have to pamper the other player in whatever ‘reasonable’ way they want. It’s a fun game to play and conversations linger way after playing the game, providing a basis for better understanding and more meaningful connection between couples.
There are many romantic game nights to be had with over 150 base cards plus the bonus 4 chilli image cards.
How Game Are You? Couples Intimacy Edition is now available through our website, Amazon (US and AU) and Ebay (AU). You can order your own copy of the game now and be one of the first to receive it. Let the fun and romance begin. Keep on tuning in and if you want to be the first to play the game, feel free to send us your details.
Laugh, discover and learn!
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